A few weeks ago my husband and I went to the Tennessee Vols Orange and White Game. While I was there, I was just taking in the whole game of football; how it works, how all the players have different positions, how everyone supports one another, the skills required to win the game, and so forth. And just like Jesus used parables when He was on Earth, a lot of times God will reveal to me life lessons out of the little things in life, including football.
In football, everyone has different positions. And in order for the game to work, everyone must know their position and what’s required of them. In marriage it’s the same way; a husband must know His position, and a wife must know her position for the marriage to work. So I would like to share with you what God’s word says specifically on the husband’s role and the wife’s role.
The Husband’s Role
To be the head of the wife. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior (Eph. 5:23). This means that the husband should be the leader of his home, just like a quarterback is the leader of his team. It doesn’t mean that the husband controls everything the wife does, or that the husband is superior than the wife, but rather that he influences his wife and family children to live according to biblical principles. The husband should lead his family to pray, read God’s word, go to church, and make good decisions in life. Just because a quarterback is a leader and makes decisions for his team, doesn’t mean that the other players aren’t just as important. A wife can respect her husband’s role to lead without devaluing her role as a wife.
To love his wife. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph. 5:25). Christ loved the church so much, that He died on the cross to save us. Husbands must love their wives in a sacrificial way too. They must be willing to die to themselves; die to fleshly desires, prideful ways, and selfishness. For a husband to love his wife the way Christ loves the church, he must give himself fully to her. He must serve her, show grace to her, support her, and protect her. When you go to a Vols game, they always say, “Give your all for Tennessee!” Well I want to tell you husbands to “Give your all for your wife.”
To honor his wife. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel…(1 Pet.3:7). A husband can honor his wife by always speaking highly of her. A husband should never call his wife degrading names, or embarrass her in public. Husbands should always honor his wife’s feelings, opinions, privacy, position, and body.
A Wife’s Role
To submit to her husband. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph. 5:22). Submitting to your husband doesn’t mean that you have no control over your life, or you don’t make any decisions, it means that you accept your husband’s position as the leader of your family. For example: In football the quarterback chooses the play. That doesn’t mean that the other offensive players don’t sometimes try to change his mind by voicing their opinions on which play will work best, but ultimately it’s up to the quarterback to make the decision because he is the leader.
To respect her husband…Let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph.5:33). Studies show that the number one thing a man wants more than anything else is respect. We should respect our husbands by only speaking highly of them, accepting their role as the head of the household, praising them for their hard work, taking up for them when a someone says negative things about them, and by not interrupting him when he’s talking. I once heard a story about a lady who didn’t respect her husband very much, until one day she went to his work. While she was there, she seen that his secretary showed much respect to him. The secretary didn’t interrupt him, she spoke highly of him, she accepted his decisions, and she acknowledged his role in the company. The wife then felt guilty of all the ways she had disrespected her husband.
To do her husband good. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Prov. 31:12). Even if a football player is mad at one of their other teammates, they still have to give 100% in their position because otherwise they may lose the game. The same goes for marriage. A wife can’t stop being good to her husband just because she’s mad or feels he don’t deserve it, because then she loses in her own marriage. A wife should never intentionally hurt her husband, disrespect him, provoke his anger, or make him feel unloved. Do good to your husband by building him up with your words, loving him, praying for him, respecting him, appreciating him, supporting him, and letting him lead.
I hope you will accept the position God has given you as a husband or wife, and work hard at getting better at it. And just like a football game can be affected if one person gets out of position, your marriage can be affected when you get out of position. Joyce Meyer says, “I encourage you all to be all you can be, God will never help you be anyone but you.” A wide receiver wasn’t created to be a quarterback, and wives weren’t created to take on the husband’s role.
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