It was a Friday night in October and my husband and I was scheduled to be at a marriage retreat. Neither of us were excited about going. In fact, we didn’t even sign up for the retreat. My mother in law, who knew how broken our marriage had become, registered us and paid for everything. As we rode in the car we said very few words to one another, it was awkward and uncomfortable. We arrived at the hotel with low expectations with what this could do for our marriage. We were greeted by my mother in law, her husband, and some of their friends from church. As I looked around the room of over a thousand people, I saw couples who looked happy. Couples that were hugging, kissing, holding hands, and laughing together. Oh how I longed for that. Richie and I were so distant. I often described our relationship like two ships in the night just passing each other by. We listened to the speakers for a few hours and then got back in the car to head home. I looked over at my husband and said “What do you think about everything that was said?” His reply was ” I think it was good but I don’t think it will help us. There’s nothing left in our marriage.” Oh how those words hurt! I mean I already felt that, but hearing my husband say it was like being hit in the chest with a baseball. When we got home he went to lay on the couch like he usually did and I went to the bedroom and shut the door. I cried like a baby. I remember thinking “The kids aren’t here and we have an opportunity to be together, but we have no desire to be.” I was so lonely and I know he was too.

The next morning we woke up trying to decide what to do. My mother in law had paid for us to have a room at the hotel that Saturday night. We wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I thought about it a while and told him we would stay. Although his mother knew we were having problems, I didnt want to have to tell her that our marriage was so bad we didn’t even want to sleep in the same room. As I was packing my stuff  I just broke down and began crying. Richie heard me and came in the bathroom. I was sitting on the side of the bath tub with my head down and I said “How did we get here? How did our marriage get so bad?” Richie put his arm around me to comfort me and he said “It’s not anybody’s fault. We just grew up and grew apart. We can still be friends and be good parents to our kids.”

During that morning session of the retreat we heard a lot of information we had never heard before. They pointed out how differences in marriage can be a good thing. How God can use those differences to help us strengthen one another. I started feeling a little hopeful but I wasn’t sure how he felt. During our break I updated my Facebook status to say “The truth hurts!” I also asked for prayer from a few friends. My emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t keep the tears from running down my face. We checked into our hotel room and the first thing I noticed was that it had two beds. I said to myself “I’m sleeping in one bed and he can sleep in the other.” Later that day during one of our projects we were encouraged to talk about things and ask each other questions. I remember asking him was he cheating on me. He said “No but I do talk to girls and if our marriage doesn’t change then I probably will cheat.” I don’t know why but that statement didn’t bother me like it should have. I think it was because deep down I felt sorry for him. Sorry that he had a wife like me who showed him no affection, no attention, and rarely ever had sex with him.

The retreat was scheduled for sessions to end at 5pm that day so that everyone could go have a date night. Richie and I decided to go watch a movie and have some dinner downtown. While we was out I think we were both shocked about how much fun we were having. We were actually enjoying each other’s company. We were laughing and cutting up just like old times. When we got back to the hotel room he asked me to come and get in the bed with him so I did. It was so nice laying next to my husband. Feeling that security that I had always felt in his arms. It was the first time we slept in the same bed in a long time.

Sunday morning we were preparing for our last day at the retreat. They told us to go in separate rooms for our session. After the session was over I had to look for Richie in the crowd of men. When I found him I remember thinking “out of all these men, I’m glad that one is my husband.” He smiled at me and for a moment I had faith that our marriage was going to get better. The last thing they made us do before leaving was look into each other’s eyes and renew our vows. We left feeling happy and hopeful, but sadly what happened just a few months later turned my life upside down.